Shadows

I sometimes feel like the MOST stubborn person that has ever walked this planet! Will I ever learn these lessons? Like really learn them? To be able to understand it so fully that it shatters me to the very core of my being!?

I was watching one of my favorite shows today Interventions and while I was watching it I didn't think it was anything significant until it hit me later. The Interventionist was telling the family that in order for the addict to make changes and find healing they must hit rock bottom and that the job of the intervention itself was to foster that rock bottom for the addict.

I think someday, days like today that I need a spiritual intervention.....

" Hi, My name is Jessica and I'm addicted to CONTROL and trying to do things my own way!"

I have my mind so full of just stuff. Things that are not bad such as what kind of curriculum should we use for Lightzone? or I need to book more shows this month!, do I have enough money saved up for a car? How am I going to pay for school this year? but all of these questions that keep floating through my mind its all just stuff! I can so quickly and easily lose focus on the things that really matter in life.

I read this quote recently, not sure where I found it but needless to say it still hits me...

" We occasionally flip the switch,

but most of the time we SETTLE for shadows"

Maybe I am the only one who has ever felt this way but sometimes i feel like I am just fumbling through life. I guess that is the appropriate response when I continue to settle for living in the shadows when I have the resources to TURN THE DANG LIGHT ON AND KEEP IT ON!

When I settle for living in the shadows even under my BEST intentions, when I think that I am making the most logical decisions in planning ahead for LZ and other things of that nature... I still screw up! Doing things God's ways are not always the most logical! I think sometimes it means going into things blindly when I REALLY wanted a plan! Or trusting God that he will provide the money when I doesn't look humanly possible that it will work!

My Brother Sean encouraged me last week to start writing down what God is doing in my life, even the small things because we all easily forget how God is constantly moving! That way when situations that should stress us out come up we can go back and read those reminders and know that God is always working!

All of that to say: This is my written reminder to myself! Jessica, you don't have to worry about what is going to happen! God WILL provide like he always has! it brings me to tears just remembering that! My heart is heavy for Lightzone that God will provide the staff that we need the that the teen will keep coming. As I stay on my knee continually praying for this, I ask that you pray along side me!